Tasty Jokes

Tasty Jokes

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "You protect the public."

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system."

The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

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A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "You protect the public."

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system."

The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

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When without money, eats wild vegetables at home;

When has money, eats same wild vegetables in fine restaurant.

When without money, rides bicycle;

When has money, rides the same exercise machine.

When without money, walks to earn food;

When has money, walks to burn the fat.

Man O Man ! never fails to deceive thyself !

When without money, wishes to get married;

When has money, wishes to get divorced.

When without money, wife becomes secretary;

When has money, secretary becomes wife.

When without money, acts like rich man;

When has money, acts like poor man.

Man, O Man! never can tell the simple truth !

Says share market is bad but keeps speculating;

Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.

Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.

Says gambing & drinking is bad but keeps indulging;

Man O Man ! Never means what he says and never says what he means!

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The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expectyou to conduct yourself like any other employee around here."

The boss pressed on, "Who told you you could come and go as you please around here ?"

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."

----------------------------------------------------------------------A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed raging fire pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." "Shut up," barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.

"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

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A redneck, a preacher, and a lawyer are traveling in a car when it breaks down in front of a farm. They ask the farmer if they could spend the night.

The farmer said, "Sure, but my guest room only has room for two. One of you will have to sleep in the barn."

The preacher says, "I don't mind being with God's animals. I will sleep in the barn."

An hour later, there's a knock on the guest room door.

It's the preacher. He says, "I can't stand that noisy chicken. Could I switch with one of you?"

The redneck says, "There are always loud animals back in Alabama I can take it."

An hour later, there's a knock on the guest room door.

It's the redneck. He says, "I can't stand that smelly cow! Could I switch with one of you?"

The lawyer says, "Well, I guess that leaves me."

An hour later, there's a knock on the door. It's the chicken and the cow.

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In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The Nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the Nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the Nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother....." the Nuns asked earnestly, "please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

Mother Superior raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, "DON'T SELL THAT COW."

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A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died.

When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.

Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.

He says, "I'm still working on it."

Two years pass by and no marriage. St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it. Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.

The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.

"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.

St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"

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Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.

"This is the worst essay I have ever had the misfortune of reading," ranted the teacher.

"It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes!"

"One person didn't," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me!"

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During one "generation-gap" quarrel with his parents, young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"

With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."

"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."