Crazy Jokes
1st-3rd: Hey! I studied everything for exams.
4th-6th: Hey! That question was very hard so I didn't attempt it.
7th-10th: Hey! Studied only important questions.
11th: I think 4 chapters are enough to get passing marks.
12th: Which exam is tomorrow?
College: Crazy guys! At least you should have told me that there's an exam today. I am not even carrying a Pen today.
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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one.
"It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."
"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves.
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Then, why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
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Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.
"This is the worst essay I have ever had the misfortune of reading," ranted the teacher.
"It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes!"
"One person didn't," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me!"
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During one "generation-gap" quarrel with his parents, young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
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The orthopedic surgeon Joe worked for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
Joe sat the display skeleton in the front of his car, his bony arm across the back of his seat. Joe hadn't considered the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside him became obvious, and he looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window, "I hate to tell you," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
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A music hall entertainer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light and, on the back seat of the car, the policeman spots a whole set of knives.
He ask the man why he has them - doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knifes?
The man explains that the knifes are used in his act - he juggles them.
The policeman insists that the man gets out to show him, so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by and the driver turns to his wife saying, "Thank goodness I gave up the demon drink - just look how the fucking police test you these days."
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The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff "miss" him.
Most people are writing standard phrases like, 'Without you, the company will never be the same,' 'We will always remember you,' etc.
Obviously the boss was not satisfied, "I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"
Slowly but firmly, John wrote, "The best news in 20 years."
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An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by.
They fired, and a duck fell.
The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend." He can't swim.
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A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help.
One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie."
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